there is something about your oldest that you will hang on to forever. something about the fact that they made you a mother. something about going through the trenches together that creates this unbelievable bond. this boy of mine, as i often have said, has my heart. there is no other way i can describe the type of love i have for him. it is almost a sacred love that i can hardly even talk about.
he is intense. he is smart. he is a fighter. as much as watching him growing up kind of rips my heart out i have vowed to enjoy the journey and i do. well most of the time. my boy and i seem to just get closer and closer with each passing year. i can’t wait to talk to him after school. when he hops in the car its game on and i have to be ready for him. i silently say a prayer “dear Lord, help me to know what to say and how to react”. most days it is cheerful and happy chit chat. he tells me about everyone and everything that is going on…well, lets not be naive, he does not tell me EVERYTHING or he would probably be grounded from his skateboard a lot more. for the most part he gives me the scoop. with very little prompting from me he rants on and on about the rules on the playground and rainbow loom bracelets and asks when he can skateboard that day and tells me why he got out in two square and how much he hates math and what new shoes he wants and how he finally got the guts to play handball. it is my dream come true.
and some days it is hard things. he lost the student representative vote in his class, someone made fun of his lazy eye, his eyes still burn from his surgery, he feels like he was wronged, he is mad at someone, he is hurt that he was left out, its friday and i forgot to give him ice cream money. i have a theory, a small relatively new mom type of theory, if he can’t tell me the bad he won’t tell me the good. i want him to tell me all things because i know one day it will slow down. he will process life more internally and within his own little soul, but if he knows mama takes the good and the bad hopefully he will allow me glimpses into his heart at worst and at best he will let me be on this journey with him forever. sorting, venting, cheering, celebrating, crying, grieving and growing together. neff beanie $16 / flannel (old but similar here $26) / boots (old from target but check this post for great options) / jeans (on sale from $54 to $36) / o’neill khaki jeans $52